Mail Order Austen Heroes ~ by Mortie
Step right up and place your order now for your very own Life Size Austen Hero! We have several Heroes available, each with his own certain something that makes him particularly irresistible, as well as at least two sets of clothing for hours of fashion fun! Act now and we'll throw in their net worth for free!
Captain Wentworth fits the description of tall, dark and handsome. Standing at an even 6 feet, the good Captain has black hair and green eyes, and comes complete with chiselled features, rich voice and remarkable letter-writing skills. He comes with a full naval dress uniform complete with gloves and hat, and a full civilian outfit. Accessories include double barrelled rifle, umbrella, pen, ink, and paper.
Colonel Brandon is tall and handsome, with light brown hair and indeterminate eyes, which will require some study to decide on a colour. This Hero comes with a voice like velvet that is sure to seduce on the first syllable. It takes a little work to break through the Colonel's characteristic reserve, but it is very worth it. He comes with a set of all-black clothing and flannel waistcoats; his second outfit is full military dress uniform for very special occasions. Accessories include shotgun, black Cocker Spaniel, book of poetry and sheet music.
Fitzwilliam Darcy is tall, dark and handsome, with dark brown hair and eyes that make women melt. Dimples included at no extra charge. Darcy is uncomfortable in new situations, but among friends is perfectly agreeable. He comes with two sets of dress clothing. This includes striped waistcoats, long grey coats, high boots, and white linen shirts perfect for random dips in ponds. Accessories include: Pen, ink, paper, gloves, walking stick, and Great Dane.
Charles Bingley is on the shorter side, blonde and cuddly, with bright blue eyes. He has the sweetest disposition and is easily led. He comes with much the same clothing as Fitzwilliam Darcy, but with different colours and patterns. Accessories include: playing cards.
We have a fine selection of Mounts available to choose from. Of course, feel free to mix and match Mounts to Heroes; names given are merely suggestions.
Grey Stallion-best suited to Captain Wentworth
Black Mare-favourite choice of Colonel Brandon
Black Arabian-ideal for Fitzwilliam Darcy
White Arabian-ideal for Fitzwilliam Darcy
Roan Gelding-excellent selection for Charles Bingley
Please allow four to six weeks for delivery. Each Hero is tested exhaustively to ensure complete customer satisfaction. Should your Hero prove at any time unsatisfactory, you can return him for a full refund or exchange him for a different Hero. In the event of a replacement, exchange, or refund, we ask that you log an official, detailed complaint so that we may remedy the situation and make necessary changes for updated models. Coming soon: Colonel Fitzwilliam, Edward Ferrars, Henry Tilney, Edmund Bertram, and George Knightly.
© 2004 Copyright held by the author.
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