Had he not made it clear to her, when they had that marvelously witty banter at Netherfield, that he had every right to be proud? That his superiority of mind gave him the right to hold himself to a higher standard than others? It had been the study of his life to avoid those weaknesses which often expose a strong understanding to ridicule, and he had given in to his passions and exposed his family name to the shame of being united with connections who often behaved improperly. Did she not realize the honor he was bestowing upon her? That he was willing to sacrifice everything he held in esteem, in order to be with her?

He sank down weakly upon his bed. His valet offered to help him into more comfortable clothing, but he refused. When he was alone, he remembered the other objections she had raised: that he had separated her sister, Jane, from Mr. Bingley; and that he had ruined the immediate prosperity and blasted the prospects of Mr. Wickham.

Oh, that she knew the circumstances behind these horrid events! He thought of his friend, who had been pursued by fortune-hunters before, and who had frequently and fervently become infatuated with unsuitable women. Darcy had felt it necessary to dissuade Bingley from pursuing the women who had previously simpered and smirked to get his attention. When Darcy watched Jane Bennet he had never detected a bit of interest. She smiled at Bingley; she treated him as a friend. He wondered at Elizabeth's accusation: that he had ruined all her hope of happiness. Did I really do that? he pondered. I never thought she loved him in return, but the closeness of sisters often provides a confidence that is hidden from the rest of the world. Perhaps she knows her sister's loves and wishes, and knows her sisters expressions better than I. Oh, if that is correct, that my actions would have been officious and cruel. He hung his head. His anger began to melt away and to be replaced by contrition.

As he gathered writing materials at the desk in his office, he contemplated the other imputation of his horrid behavior to George Wickham. Where on earth did she hear the half-truths she flung at me? There was only one person capable of skewing the situation in such a way: Mr. Wickham himself. Undoubtedly, he had gained Elizabeth's trust and told her his life's story, leaving out any parts that were unsavory – such as his design against his sister – and perhaps even changed facts so that Mr. Darcy appeared villainous. His cheeks again burned, and his nostrils flared. That lying blackguard! Why is he so determined to destroy all that I have worked so hard to achieve? Darcy attempted to control everything around him so that his family name would be upheld in esteem throughout England, and Wickham did everything to cause him and Georgiana humiliation.

That was it. He felt Elizabeth needed to know those circumstances as well, painful though it may be to tell. He would have to breach his resolve to maintain secrecy about the Ramsgate incident, and reveal it to her. If he humbled himself, showed her the man he really was and the candor he wished to share with her, then perhaps she would understand. He dared not hope that she would change her mind, but he at least wished to clear the air.

When, hours later, he finished and sealed his letter, he sat back to reflect on his proposal. Was it as unfeeling as she had said? He recalled his words. He had spoken well about his feelings, but he had also spoken of his sense of her inferiority – of its being a degradation – of the family obstacles which judgment had always opposed to inclination. He realized he had focused on those demeaning qualities rather than his belief that she was a remarkable, smart, accomplished, beautiful, desirable woman.

Why am I so worried about her family? Surely, I have every reason to analyze our compatibility. When one takes a wife, one is also united with her family and so I should take every person into consideration. Certainly, the Bennets are embarrassing, but are they as distasteful as I have believed? His own parents had taught him to consider his own family, the Darcys, as the model of perfect respectability and benevolence in their community. They had taught him that he had every right to be proud; that he was well-educated, wealthy, and handsome, and therefore worthy of respect and rank.

And now Elizabeth Bennet, a girl whose condition in life was decidedly below his own, had told him he was not good enough for her. She had misunderstood, not only his intentions to help his friend and the circumstances surrounding George Wickham, but his entire character. Anyone who knew him, really knew him, would not misinterpret his remarks, his facial expressions, his phrasing. He had often offended people with his mannerisms, but it had never bothered him or affected his hopes of future happiness.

His anger returned. He was no longer angry at Elizabeth, but at his parents. They had raised him to be a proud, offensive man. They had allowed him to be selfish and overbearing without correcting him, and showing him that other people deserved the same respect as himself.

He then resolved to give Elizabeth the letter without delay, and to examine his own faults. Elizabeth had been perfectly right when she said that he did not practice his social manners enough. He had always been shy, and he realized that this excuse was inadequate; he was indeed a man of sense and education, and rather than using it to intimidate others he ought to use it to make others feel at ease in his presence. Gathering up his letter, his long coat, and his courage, he strode out the door, a humbled and changed man.

FINIS

© 2004 copyright retained by author

click here to comment on this story

back to June Challenge stories

back to Challenge Page

Bennet Girls Home